A week before we had you we were stuck in Spokane, WA with a broken down RV in a Wal Mart parking lot with no hospital, no midwife, no means of transportation, no shelter, nothing. We didn’t even have a tent or sleeping bags because we gave them away when we got our RV. That RV was a great home for me and your dad but I guess it wasn’t the right home for you. I remember right before we left it in that parking lot me and your dad went and sat in our bed for the last time and we sat there and cried and he said ‘I tried I really tried’ because your dad did EVERYTHING he ever could to try and fix up that RV for our little family to live in but it just kept breaking down every few miles and we just couldn’t any more. We had to leave our home so we could find a new home with you. We had to pack up all the stuff we could fit into our back packs. Your dad was a fucking trooper. He carried AT LEAST 80-100 pounds of stuff on his back because I was SO pregnant and could only carry one back pack just full of clothes and diapers. We were in full ready to hitch hike to the Rainbow Gathering mode. 39 weeks pregnant girl, boy with an ENORMOUSLY large pack, 2 dogs, and our car seat. I was scared out of my mind. Everything we had thought out prior to having you just went down the drain and we were even further away from square 1 then we were when we started. But we still had some faith. We went into that Walmart to buy a tent and a sleeping bag and as we were approaching the check out line 2 kids came up to us (or should I say 2 life savers) and were like ‘I see that you are buying a tent, we just got kicked down a 6 person tent that we don’t need if you guys want it’. We gladly accepted and invited them to come hang out in the parking lot with us. We hung out and found out that they were also heading to the gathering. They were already planning on taking 3 other kids PLUS their 2 dogs so we didn’t intrude or anything but when Joey and Mariah found out that I was due this very week they told the other kids they couldn’t take them because they couldn’t of walked away feeling ok leaving us there like that to hitch hike. It ruled so hard. So the next day we loaded there car up and rode until we got there. They actually let me drive and me and your dad stayed up and just drove all night straight talking about you and how excited we were about everything. So we get to Rainbow around 11am the next day and start trying to pack in all our shit. We HAD HAD HAD to make 2 trips to the car because it was a 6mile walk to get in. I was lucky enough to get a ride down with the midwife Rita because no one wanted to see such a pregnant girl walking that far, it was rather nice. We walked down to where the midwife was staying and I started to set up our tent right near over there while your dad took one more trip up the hill to grab the rest. About 5mins after I set up the tent my water broke! You had impeccable timing little girl. I called for Rita and she checked and said yes it indeed broke. They announced it over the walkie talkies so other meds knew about it and the only thought I could think was ‘where is Checkers?’. So a couple minutes later your dad walks up and I told him the news and he was just as excited as I was, we knew we were going to meet you soon. Rita told me to go ahead and get some rest and that she would probably be seeing me in the morning if not sooner. So we fell asleep and I woke up and felt completely fine. We went and walked around to try and make contractions start and the day went by and still nothing when night rolled around. The next day we were still patiently awaiting for your arrival but nothing. By this time we were starting to worry. The next morning there was poop in the fluid that was coming out of me so we called over Rita and she tried to listen to your little heart beat but it was very hard to find.„but then I felt you kick like you were reassuring me that everything would be fine. She told us that it would be in our best interest to head to the hospital. We were freaking out, I think your dad more than me. We were 2 homeless kids, haven’t showered in god knows how long dirty, and just SO scared to go to a place that could possibly have the potential to tell us that we couldn’t keep you because of these things. After we got over the shock of it I put on my cleanest dress and he borrowed somebody else’s clean clothes, took some wipes and scrubbed the fuck out of our skin to get as clean as we could possibly get. We then jumped in the car with this medic named Tom who was extremely awesome and adventured on our almost 1hr 1/2 drive to the hospital. That whole ride we were thinking of what we would tell the hospital about where we lived and stuff worrying the whole time but hoping for the best. I was very glad that I wasn’t in full blown labor or anything because that drive would of sucked if I was actually having contractions so thank you for that Sunshine. When we got there your dad checked me in while they took me up to the triage room to check me out. They told me that my blood pressure was really high which is a very bad sign. Also they kept having me move around the bed in different positions (laying on my side, other side, on my knees) because in certain positions they couldn’t hear your heart beat…this REALLY scared me. Then the lady started calling other nurses in and then told me that I needed a C-section. Your dad is awesome and spoke up for me asking if it was absolutely necessary and I could tell by the doctors voices that it was VERY necessary and that there was no time for questions. They started wheeling me into the room and hooking me up to a million different tubes and machines and giving me all kinds of medicine and everything of that sort. I remember your dad wasn’t in the ER yet and I started tearing up and I remember only wanting to see him because I was so incredibly nervous and scared. I didn’t full out cry and I kept very calm which I was very surprised about actually. After they put me to sleep I don’t remember the rest. I was completely knocked out for your birth…I didn’t get to hear your first cry, or see your bloody little body, or have your dad cut the cord or anything. I woke up in a completely different room and I was still very very woozy and delirious and I can barely remember seeing you for the first time. I remember I woke up and your dad told me you were a girl and I asked how much you weighed and what time you were born and where you were and he said that they were about to bring you in. I wish I remembered seeing you for the first time…I remember they brought you in and said you were hungry and I fed you but I don’t really remember. I do remember that you were the cutest, littlest, most precious thing I had ever seen. You came into this world in Hood River, Oregon at 1:44pm weighing 4pounds 15ounces and 19 1/2 inches long. It is crazy how I went from having a completely healthy pregnancy and wanting to do it all natural in the woods with a midwife birth to the polar opposite being rushed to the hospital for an emergency C-section surgery with so much medicine. You totally had a different plan to arrive than I wanted and I’m so glad you pulled through; I’m sure it was just as rough on you if not more. You are my little ray of Sunshine and I’m so glad you came into our life.
We just had a hamburger picnic and read you Where The Wild Things Are and it ruled!
I have never loved one thing more than I love you. You are my everything.